Socialist Party Australia - Strange letters, but could they be true?

Letters from Daily Murdoch readers?

Dear Editor of The Society,
Just read your wonderful magazine. Any poss of interview with yours truly in next issue re my slimming products? I’m a great fan of Australian fashion and would love to appear in your columns.
Yours etc
Fergie, Duchess of York
(Editors note: This letter may be a case of mistaken identity)

Dear Editor,
I reject your assertion in the last issue that I have “a pathological hatred of unions”. I have nothing against unions - in fact I once held a small portfolio of shares in Union Carbide.
Yours etc
Tony Abbott, Federal Minister Industrial Relations

Dear Editor,
I suppose you’re all stoked now I’m in jail. It’s not fair. When I was in the Senate I never once whinged about the rorts of your Labor mates. Now I’m in jail. And don’t think they put me in the jail with all the Aborigines, New Australians and perverts with their Foxtel, colour TV and weekend supermarket visits
I’m in a political prison I think with no such luxuries that taxpayers have to pay for. I’m locked down at 7pm with no television, I haven’t seen Blue Heelers for 2 weeks. Anyway is there any way my people could borrow your megaphone for our Free Pauline vigil at Brisbane jail this weekend? If so, contact Dot on 0423456888.
Anticipating a knockback,
Pauline Hanson, No.45354, Brisbane Correctional Facility, Queensland.

Dear Editor of The Society,
Just read your wonderful magazine. Any poss of interview with yours truly in next issue re my slimming products? I'm a great fan of Australian fashion and would love to appear in your columns.
Yours etc
Fergie, Duchess of York
(Editors note: This letter may be a case of mistaken identity)

Dear Editor,
I reject your assertion in the last issue that I have "a pathological hatred of unions". I have nothing against unions - in fact I once held a small portfolio of shares in Union Carbide.
Yours etc
Tony Abbott, Federal Minister Industrial Relations

Dear Editor,
I suppose you're all stoked now I'm in jail. It's not fair. When I was in the Senate I never once whinged about the rorts of your Labor mates.
Now I'm in jail. And don't think they put me in the jail with all the Aboriginies, New Australians and perverts with their Foxtel, colour TV and weekend supermarket visits. I'm in a political prison I think with no such luxuries that taxpayers have to pay for. I'm locked down at 7pm with no television, I haven't seen Blue Heelers for 2 weeks. Anyway is there any way my people could borrow your megaphone for our Free Pauline vigil at Brisbane jail this weekend? If so, contact Dot on 0423456888.
Anticipating a knockback,
Pauline Hanson,
No.45354,
Brisbane Correctional Facility,
Queensland.

Dear Sir
I'm not surprised about Mr Howard's lies re Iraq possessing Weapons of Mass Destruction.
In 1950 when we both attended Queen Victoria State Primary we were both great mates for a while until little Johnnie borrowed by favourite and most accurate marbles for a night. That was the last I saw of them.
I become a Revolutionary Socialist there and then, and have remained one ever since.
Yours
Reginald Butterworth,
Bondi Retirement Village,
Sydney

Dear Editor
I enjoyed your last issue, however I found the Medicare article offensive.
Why should taxpayers fund free health care for those members of the community who choose not to take out the vast array of available private health cover?
Having said that, I do support continued Government support for the Pharmacutecial Benefits Scheme.
Yours
James Paisley,
General Manager,
Viagra Australia

Dear Editor
I thoroughly disagree with your newspaper's asseessment of Australian Prime Minister John Howard viz-a-vie President Bush ("Aftermath of the War on Iraq, pgs 8-9, The Socialist June-July 2003). Your corresspondent describes Mr Howard as the "biggest and best suck in the world towards any US President". I believe there are other and better candidates for that honour. Yours
Monica Lewinsky, Boston, USA

Dear Sir,
Shame on those feral idiots at Baxter who wasted $1 million of police resources. I pray that John Howard decides to stay on as Prime Minister. His leadership has saved our nation from invasion by the world's riff-raff.
I must admit my admiration for the man increased last week when his representatives at the Tax Department wrote to me declaring my tax return "outstanding", particularly as I can't even remember sending it in.
Harry Barlow,
Townsville

Dear Sir,
Shame on all the knockers of Mr.Howard. I take my hat off to him for what he's doing for Australia's youth. Only yesterday I opened my garage door and found four teenagers with baseball caps on backwards trying to fix my engine. Hats off to Mr Howard and Centerlink for giving these lads such valuable work experience. They might dress a bit silly but as least they are giving life a go. I offered them a cup of tea but they left in a hurry.
Mrs Valarie Jones,
Adelaide

Dear Sir,
I'm all for Mr Abbott's cleaning up of the building industry. I was walking past a building site in Perth last week and overheard a surly looking man with offensive union stickers on his helmet attempting to sell raffle tickets to fellow employees "for the CFMEU fighting fund" - or so he said.
Later I checked with the relevant department and sure enough no
authority had been issued to that trade union for any raffle since 1967. Where's the money going? Surely building workers should stick to building and leave private enterprise to honest businessnmen.
Alan Bond,
Perth